IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3119 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment.
Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

An increasing number of offenders usually reoffend once they have released from prison. In my opinion, this is mainly because of the lack of rehabilitation and difficulty in finding employment once they released. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with criminals who reoffend.

Firstly, the main reason for most first-time offenders committing crimes again, once they have been released from prison, is due to the lack of rehabilitation whilst in prison. In other words, offenders are not given a chance to retrain and learn new skills for their future or develop a deeper understanding of correct moral behaivour and instead mixed with other criminals, which only strengthens their criminal intentions. Secondly, repeat offending is also owing to the difficulty in finding employment after being released. As a result, many of them struggle financially which certainly leads them back to crime, regardless of the consequences.

There are two effective solutions to deal with problems of reoffending. One way to tackle this issue is to ensure that all criminals entering prisons are given the chance to retrain and learn useful skills that will ensure them a job after serving their punishment. It will help them reintegrate back into society and give them some means of supporting themselves financially. Another method of dealing with repeat offending is to have more supervision and checks in places when offenders are back to society. It would hopefully prevent them from taking any chances and deter them from reoffending as they are being so closely watched.

In conclusion, providing training in prison and also close observation when first-time offenders are released are effective methods in dealing with these issues. If governments implemented these solutions, crime figures would soon drop.

288 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

February 20, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
9.0 fully addresses all parts of the task
8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question
7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion
9.0 sequences information and ideas logically
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
7.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
8.0 produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
8.0 makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Main ideas are well arranged and organized. They are presented and discussed quite comprehensively, but the development in minor supporting sentences requires improvement. We suggest more examples, instances, or even personal experiences to be added to the main ideas.

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In contemporary society, a perplexing phenomenon is the recurrence of criminal activities among individuals who have already served their initial punishment. This issue is multifaceted, with several underlying reasons contributing to its persistence. However, proactive measures can be implemented to mitigate this problem effectively.
One significant reason behind the tendency of offenders to commit more crimes post-serving their initial punishment is the lack of rehabilitation programs within the criminal justice system. Incarceration, in many instances, focuses primarily on punitive measures rather than on the rehabilitation and reintegration of offenders into society. Without proper support and guidance to address the root causes of criminal behavior, individuals may find themselves susceptible to recidivism.
Moreover, societal factors play a crucial role in perpetuating this cycle. Stigmatization and marginalization of ex-convicts often limit their opportunities for employment and social integration. This lack of acceptance can lead individuals back to a life of crime, as they struggle to rebuild their lives and find a legitimate means of sustenance.
To address this issue, comprehensive rehabilitation programs must be integrated into the criminal justice system. These programs should encompass vocational training, educational opportunities, and psychological support to equip offenders with the skills necessary for a successful reintegration into society. Additionally, there needs to be a concerted effort to reduce the social stigma associated with ex-convicts, fostering a more inclusive environment that encourages their reintegration.
Furthermore, community engagement is paramount in preventing recidivism. Local communities should actively participate in the rehabilitation process, offering support and opportunities for ex-offenders to become productive members of society. This collaborative approach can help break the cycle of criminal behavior by providing a support system that extends beyond the confines of the criminal justice system.
282 words

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