IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3118 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people advocate the death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society.
Describe the advantages and disadvantages of the death penalty and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

While it is believed by some people that death penalty is advisable for hardened criminals, others consider that the capital punishment should be banned. In my opinion, death penalty should be kept as a red line for those who involved in committing serious offending but it is essential to consider carefully before providing a final verdict.

There is little room for doubt that any crime committed by anyone must be punished in order to prevent others from offending. By providing punishment, it will ensure that people would be more concerned before being involved in any dodgy circumstances or human rights law in certain cases. Therefore, people who offended serious law abuses, such as a murder, inconsequentially should be punished by receiving a capital punishment. Thus, it will help others understand their overall responsibilities and prevent them, especially first-year criminals, from offending.

On the other hand, there are some disadvantages of providing death penalty. Firstly, in some countries, specifically in low-income countries, with high level of corruption this type of punishment might be used in personal purposes. As usual, these countries are presided over by a handful of corrupted people who have the ability to manipulate any activity to their own benefit and punish people in order to frighten them. Secondly, there is a high probability to condemn an innocent person and commit a penalty. In such a case, capital punishment prohibition would help authorities and people to develop a clearer understanding of criminals’ intentions and find a real offender.

In conclusion, while capital punishment certainly helps people understand their responsibilities, there are some circumstances where this measure might lead to the state of turmoil within society.

276 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

January 23, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
9.0 fully addresses all parts of the task
8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question
7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
5.0 makes inadequate, inaccurate, or over-use of cohesive devices
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
5.0
Lexical Resource
9.0 uses a wide range of vocabulary
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
8.0 produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation
5.0 that may cause some difficulty for the reader
5.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
8.0 makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies
7.0 they do not impede communication
7.0
6.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Your stance in favor of the death penalty is clearly stated. However, you mentioned that it should be kept as a "red line" and that careful consideration is essential, providing a nuanced perspective. While the essay touches on several key points, it should consider expanding on ideas for a more comprehensive analysis. Providing specific examples or evidence can enhance the persuasiveness of the essay's argument.
Regarding sentence structure and clarity, some sentences are complex, and a few could be rephrased for better clarity. For instance, in the concluding sentence, consider clarifying what "state of turmoil" refers to.
Although the vocabulary range is wide, there are some vocabulary issues. For instance, instead of "dodgy circumstances," the essay can use "illegal activities" for a more academic tone.

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The question of whether the death penalty is a justifiable punishment for heinous crimes remains a contentious issue, with strong arguments on both sides. In my view, while the death penalty should be preserved as an option for the most extreme cases, its application must be judicious and accompanied by stringent safeguards.
One of the primary advantages of the death penalty is its deterrent effect on potential offenders. The gravity of capital punishment serves as a powerful deterrent, dissuading individuals from engaging in violent crimes. This deterrent factor contributes to maintaining public safety by sending a clear message about the severe consequences of committing egregious offenses.
Furthermore, proponents of the death penalty argue that it provides a sense of closure and justice for the victims' families. In cases of heinous crimes such as murder, the emotional trauma experienced by the victims' families is immeasurable. The execution of the perpetrator can offer a form of closure, allowing the affected families to find solace and a semblance of justice for the irreparable harm inflicted upon them.
However, it is imperative to acknowledge the drawbacks associated with capital punishment. Firstly, there is the risk of executing innocent individuals. Flaws in legal systems or insufficient evidence can lead to wrongful convictions, causing irreparable harm. To address this, stringent safeguards, such as thorough judicial reviews and access to new evidence, must be in place to minimize the risk of irreversible errors.
Secondly, the death penalty's application can be influenced by factors such as socio-economic status and racial bias. In some instances, individuals from marginalized communities may face a disproportionate likelihood of receiving the death penalty. This systemic inequality raises ethical concerns and emphasizes the need for a fair and impartial judicial system to prevent discrimination in the application of capital punishment.
In conclusion, while the death penalty can act as a deterrent and provide a sense of justice, its implementation requires careful consideration and safeguards. The potential for wrongful convictions and the risk of perpetuating societal inequalities necessitate a cautious approach. Striking a balance between preserving the death penalty as a deterrent for extreme cases and ensuring its fair and judicious application is paramount to addressing the complexities surrounding this contentious issue.
367 words

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