IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3116 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people say that schools do not do enough to teach young people about health.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

It is believed by some people that adolescents are not provided with enough studies about health. I completely agree with this statement as youngsters commonly do not focus on maintain their health condition and prefer to follow unhealthy and unsafe way of living.

There is little room for doubt that young people are apt to consume a broad range of unhealthy products and stick to sedentary lifestyle due to the lack of healthy education in schools. In other words, teenagers with the scarcity of knowledge about benefits of healthy diets and exercises are obviously tempted to eat junk foods and spend their leisure times by playing video games. A typical example of this would be that the rise of obesity and weight problems among youngsters, nowadays, has become an actual issue. Hence, because of the scarcity of health teaching in schools for children there are an increasing number of problems related to health youngsters face today.

Another point to consider is that most adolescents are not concerned about their overall health condition and encouraged to be addicted to harmful products, such as tobacco, alcohol, and narcotics. Thus, their neglected behaviour towards healthy living style would have a social knock-on effect. As a result, their positive attitude towards consuming harmful items might filter through to other members of their family or friends and have a longer lasting effect. Therefore, it is essential that specific health classes would be incorporated into school curriculums in order to provide young people with extensive information about health and healthy lifestyle.

In conclusion, ensuring that there are lessons teaching youngsters about health and healthy lifestyle in the school syllabus is significant. If governments implemented a specific health subject for children in schools, teenagers’ health problems figures would soon drop.

293 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

January 29, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question
7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
7.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
8.0 the majority of sentences are error-free
8.0 makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The essay addresses the rubric and clearly states the importance of teaching young people about health in schools. It also provides solid examples, such as the rise of obesity and the potential social impact of unhealthy behaviors, to support your stance. There are a few minor grammatical issues, such as "maintain their health condition," which could be refined to "maintain their health."; these errors do not affect the reader's mind. in brief, this essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a well-structured and supported argument. It can further enhance its clarity and precision with a few refinements in language use and sentence structure.

Video Feedback

IELTS Juice YouTube Channel

IELTS Juice

IELTS Juice is brought to you by Juice Academy, registered in ‌British Columbia, Canada. On this channel, experienced English teachers and IELTS experts provide lessons, tips, and guidance to help you improve your English and achieve the best results in the IELTS exam.

The IELTS Assessor

Kasra Sharifan

Kasra Sharifan

Co-founder and CFO

British Council certified English teacher, IDP-trained IELTS instructor, content writer, editor-in-chief, co-founder, and Chief Financial Officer (CFO) at IELTS Juice Online Academy.

The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The assertion that schools do not sufficiently educate young individuals about health is a viewpoint I wholeheartedly agree with. Health education in schools is crucial for the holistic development of students and can play a pivotal role in shaping a healthier and more informed future generation.
First and foremost, health education in schools can address the rising health challenges that the youth face, such as obesity, mental health issues, and substance abuse. By providing comprehensive health education, students can gain a better understanding of the importance of a balanced diet, physical activity, and mental well-being. They can also learn about the risks associated with various unhealthy behaviors, equipping them with the knowledge needed to make informed choices.
Furthermore, early health education can instill lifelong habits of self-care and health-consciousness. It empowers students to take responsibility for their well-being and develop a sense of agency over their health. These skills not only benefit them during their formative years but also set the stage for a healthier adulthood, reducing the burden on healthcare systems and society at large.
In addition, comprehensive health education can contribute to reducing health disparities. It ensures that all students, regardless of their socio-economic background, have access to the same vital health information. This plays a critical role in promoting equity in health outcomes and reducing the disparities that exist in society.
In conclusion, schools have a significant role to play in educating young people about health. Comprehensive health education equips students with the knowledge and skills they need to make informed decisions and leads to healthier, more responsible, and better-informed citizens. Therefore, I strongly agree that schools should do more to teach young people about health.
279 words

Read similar samples


$59
IELTS Listening Course

IELTS Listening

Best approaches to each part of the IELTS Listening test

$79

IELTS Reading

All the strategies you need for success in IELTS reading

$99
IELTS writing

IELTS Writing

How to write letters, reports & essays based on IELTS criteria

$49
IELTS Speaking

IELTS Speaking

Top tips and speaking practice materials for the three parts

$19

IELTS Vocabulary

Master essential vocabulary for success in the IELTS test

Free

What’s IELTS

Have an overview of the IELTS test format & structure

Free

One Word or Two

Master words that look like one but are two, or vice versa