IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3115 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

It is thought by some that adolescents should be provided with extra classes to teach them basic money managements. In my opinion, this is the best way to tackle the problem associated with youngsters’ unwise money spending.

There is little room for doubt that, nowadays, adolescents ought to focus on wasting their money by purchasing things unwisely. In other words, most youngsters are tempted to purchase goods and services due to pressure of advertising and the increasingly easy access of credit cards. As a result, they apt to buy items or services are not valuable for them. Furthermore, some older children by having many things may become targets of envy from their classmates. Indeed, children who are surrounded by various cutting-edge gadgets could become an object of bullying from those peers who cannot afford to have the same items.

Another point to consider is that having lessons teaching how to manage money for children would encourage them to think about their future prospects in life. By providing classes where children could study they will develop clearer understanding of different aspects of economics, such as history of money, the establishment of prices, and money negative points. Moreover, by studying money management, children would change their attitudes towards purchasing which might filter through to other members of their family and have a longer lasting effect. Consequently, introducing money management lessons in schools for children could eventually improve overall state of economy in a country.

In conclusion, to deal with the issues of increasing tendency among youngsters of unwise money spending by changing the lifestyle of coming generation with introduction of money management lessons in schools for children is the easiest and most effective method to implement.

287 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

January 18, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response
7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
7.0 they do not impede communication
7.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. This essay displays a clear opinion and presents relevant ideas; however, there are areas that could be improved to enhance the overall quality and coherence of the response. While the essay presents various points, the connections between sentences and paragraphs could be more coherent. Consider using transitional phrases to create smoother connections between ideas. For instance, using phrases like "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently" can aid in transitioning between arguments more effectively.

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

Financial education for children has become an increasingly important topic of discussion. In this essay, I firmly agree with the belief that schools should incorporate lessons on money management as an integral part of their curriculum.
To begin with, teaching children how to manage money is a fundamental life skill that can have a profound impact on their future. In today's complex financial world, individuals who lack financial literacy can easily fall into debt and financial insecurity. By providing financial education in schools, we empower young minds with the knowledge and skills they need to make informed financial decisions. This includes understanding concepts like budgeting, saving, investing, and managing credit, which are vital for their financial well-being.
Furthermore, financial education in schools can help instill a sense of responsibility and discipline in children from a young age. Learning how to allocate money, set financial goals, and prioritize spending not only equips them with practical skills but also nurtures important life values. It encourages prudent decision-making and the avoidance of impulsive or wasteful spending habits.
Moreover, financial education can address the widening wealth gap by ensuring that all students, regardless of their socioeconomic background, have access to essential financial knowledge. It levels the playing field and equips students with the tools to break free from the cycle of financial instability that can be passed down through generations.
In conclusion, incorporating money management lessons in the school curriculum is crucial for the holistic development of children. It empowers them with essential life skills, nurtures responsible behavior, and promotes financial inclusion. As such, I strongly support the idea that schools should provide children with lessons on how to manage money.
277 words

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