IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3113 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

In some part of the world , the diet pattern of youngsters i changing to an unhealthy state and most of them suffer from obesity . while I do not refute the goverment’s role to tackle this conundrum , I believe that the burden of responsibility is on families’ shoulders .

It is true that the goverment play a crucial role in health level of the society , especially in controling children’s overweight . Firstly , the goverment can take an effective action by continuing more campaigns in order to increase the people’s awareness . Individuals should be informed and educated about consequences of this issue . Secondly , athourities are better to allocate more resources to schools where students may be taught how to check the ingredients of their food . Prevention is better than cure , thus children will learn to shy away from fatty dishes , such as fried meals .

The role of the families , however , is undeniable eradicating this problem . As children are more in touch with their family nuclear members , families can have a greater impact on them . At first stage , the responsibility of adolescents lies with their parents and they should aware children about the significance of their food . Children should know how this food can influence their health . Furthermore , parents usually provide foods , hence they should put their beloved ones’ diets under control . They can do it by detering them from having some thing which can put them in jeopardy like snacks .

In conclusion , while the goverment have some responsibility , I hold the opinion that families role is more highlighted .

283 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

February 23, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR): The essay has presented a clear position on the issue and provided reasons supporting the stance. It also acknowledged the government's role and also emphasized the importance of family responsibility.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
There is effective usage of linking words, but some sentences could be more concise for better clarity.

Lexical Resource (LR): Vocabulary is generally good, but there is room for improvement. There are typos, like "goverment" (government) and "their beloved ones’ diets under control" could be phrased more precisely.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Your grammar usage is strong with only a few minor errors.


Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question
8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas
8.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
8.0 the majority of sentences are error-free
8.0 makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies
7.0 they do not impede communication
7.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR): The essay has presented a clear position on the issue and provided reasons supporting the stance. It also acknowledged the government's role and also emphasized the importance of family responsibility.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
There is effective usage of linking words, but some sentences could be more concise for better clarity.

Lexical Resource (LR): Vocabulary is generally good, but there is room for improvement. There are typos, like "goverment" (government) and "their beloved ones’ diets under control" could be phrased more precisely.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Your grammar usage is strong with only a few minor errors.

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The IELTS Assessor

Kasra Sharifan

Kasra Sharifan

Co-founder and CFO

British Council certified English teacher, IDP-trained IELTS instructor, content writer, editor-in-chief, co-founder, and Chief Financial Officer (CFO) at IELTS Juice Online Academy.

An Above 7.0 Sample

The escalating concern of childhood obesity and declining health is a critical issue in numerous countries. While some assert that the government should shoulder the responsibility for addressing this growing problem, I concur with this perspective to a considerable extent, recognizing the multifaceted approach required to combat this complex issue.
Governments possess both the authority and resources to implement comprehensive strategies aimed at promoting healthy lifestyles among children. They can spearhead educational programs within schools, raising awareness about nutrition and the significance of regular physical activity. Additionally, governments can regulate the advertising of unhealthy foods targeting children and enforce policies that promote the availability of nutritious options in school cafeterias and public spaces.
Furthermore, the government plays a pivotal role in shaping the overall environment that influences children's health. Urban planning policies can prioritize the creation of safe and accessible recreational spaces, thereby encouraging physical activity. Regulations on food production and marketing can be implemented to ensure that the availability of nutritious options far outweighs that of unhealthy alternatives.
However, it is imperative to recognize that addressing childhood obesity necessitates a collaborative effort involving parents, schools, and communities. The government alone cannot bear the entire burden. Parents, in particular, play a pivotal role in instilling healthy habits at home and fostering a supportive environment for their children.
In conclusion, while the government should undoubtedly assume a central role in combating childhood obesity through policy implementation and resource allocation, a collaborative and holistic approach involving various stakeholders is paramount for achieving sustained success in promoting children's health.
256 words

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