IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3110 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Fossil fuels (coal, oil, natural gas) are the main sources in many countries, but in some countries the use of alternative sources of energy (wind energy and solar energy) are encouraged.
To what extent do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

In many states, fossil fuels are the main energy sources. While, few countries utilize other form of energy (wind and solar). I believe that use of other form of energy sources is the positive development as it reduce the requirement of natural gas, coal and oil, also decrease pollution and thus overcome health related problems.

Fossil fuels has been used by people from centuries for different purposes. Due to increase population, demand of fossil fuels is increasing, therefore many countries faces shortage of fossil fuels. To elaborate, it has been found from research that the petrol in Dubai will be enough for the state for 60years. But what will happen after that?? How the government will overcome this problem?  the answer is other kinds of energy will help in overcoming this issue. This is what happening in few countries, they utilize solar and wind energy and saving environment from pollution.

The demand of solar energy is rising rapidly. People in developing countries are using solar panels in their homes, which benefits them in various means. For example, solar panels is helpful in reducing cost of electricity, therefore, now people use fans or other appliances without fear of bill.  Likewise, wind energy is another form of energy by which we can produce energy without creating pollution. If government of many states use these forms of energy in industries, then it will be cost effective and the global warming will be reduced too. Therefore more people will be save from lung diseases and live healthy life.

In conclusion, the use of solar and wind energy should be increased by government to overcome the shortage problem of fossil fuels, especially oil and to keep the environment free from pollution and prevent people from diseases.

291 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

January 30, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response
6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion
9.0 sequences information and ideas logically
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The response addresses the prompt and provides a clear opinion on the positive aspects of encouraging alternative energy sources. However, there are areas for improvement, particularly in vocabulary and sentence structure. Here are some suggestions:
Instead of repeatedly using the phrase "other form of energy," consider using more varied terms such as "alternative energy sources," "renewable energy," or specifically mentioning "solar and wind energy."
Utilize a richer vocabulary. For instance, replace common words like "reduce" with more sophisticated alternatives like "diminish" or "alleviate," and vary your expressions to enhance overall lexical diversity.
Ensure proper sentence structure and cohesion. Some sentences are lengthy and could be broken down for better readability.
Consider using transition words to create a smoother flow between sentences and ideas. This will make your response more cohesive and structured.
When providing details, aim for precision. For example, instead of stating "many countries face a shortage of fossil fuels," specify which countries or provide statistics to strengthen your argument.

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In recent years, the global energy landscape has been witnessing a significant transformation. While fossil fuels, including coal, oil, and natural gas, have historically dominated the energy sector in many countries, there is a growing emphasis on encouraging the use of alternative energy sources like wind and solar power. This shift towards renewables is undoubtedly a positive development, and this essay will elucidate the reasons behind this stance.
To begin with, the shift towards alternative energy sources promotes environmental sustainability. Fossil fuels have long been associated with detrimental effects on the environment, including air and water pollution, greenhouse gas emissions, and habitat destruction. In contrast, wind and solar energy are clean and renewable sources that significantly reduce the carbon footprint, contributing to a healthier planet. This transition aligns with global efforts to combat climate change and protect our ecosystems.
Furthermore, the promotion of alternative energy sources fosters energy security. Overreliance on fossil fuels can lead to geopolitical tensions and price volatility, impacting a nation's energy stability. Wind and solar energy, on the other hand, are domestically abundant and not subject to the fluctuations of international markets. This autonomy enhances a country's energy security, reducing vulnerabilities to supply disruptions.
Additionally, the renewable energy sector provides economic opportunities. It generates jobs in manufacturing, installation, and maintenance, contributing to local economies. The growth of the green energy industry can stimulate innovation and technological advancements, creating a sustainable path for economic development.
In conclusion, the encouraging shift towards alternative energy sources like wind and solar power is undeniably a positive development. It promotes environmental sustainability, enhances energy security, and stimulates economic growth. As we navigate the challenges of the 21st century, the transition to clean, renewable energy sources is a crucial step towards a brighter and more sustainable future.
295 words

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