IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3103 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

The media should include more stories which report good news.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

These days, terrible news can be found at the front-page of the media. I completely agree with the statement that the media should shy away from spreading more bad news into society.

There are some reasons that the media try to present and to highlight terrible news. The central dynamic is that editors face a range of consideration, forcing them to exaggerate these topics. Firstly, they are under some pressure from owners to promote a particular view, such as political and social. Furthermore, these editors’ job is to make their media more profitable via prioritizing public interests, i.e. the more viewers, the better. Because their income heavily hindges upon the advertisement most of the time. If they come up with a new brilliant strategy for a product which contributes to the increasing sales of a company, they can raise their revenues. Unfortunately, only by shocking stories can they do that; what they believe.

There are, however, some strong reasons that journalists are better to welcome more pleasant topics. From psychology point of view, had it not been for the present editorial policies, a plethora of individuals would not have been depressed. To boost the health level of the society, it is vitel for editors to change their strategies. Moreover, the internet, newspapers, news channels, and the other sort of the media is for increasing the community’s awareness, not for trading profits. By spreading more disastrous news, people may lose their glimpse of hope or even their faith in the media. Thus, it is crucial for them to stop magnifying bad news.

In conclusion, I hold my opinion that it is of paramount significance for the media to give up publishing depressing topics; instead they should welcome a greater emphasis on optimistic titles to fulfill hopes in the society.

298 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

March 17, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
The response directly addresses the prompt with a clear opinion, emphasizing the importance of good news in the media. You provide several reasons to support your viewpoint, which demonstrates an understanding of the task.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
The essay is structured with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. The use of linking words is evident, but the flow could be improved with more varied and natural transitions. Some ideas appear abruptly, affecting the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource (LR):
The vocabulary is diverse and mostly appropriate, with terms like "editorial policies," "trading profits," and "optimistic titles." However, some phrases and words are used incorrectly or awkwardly, affecting the overall clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
There is a good range of complex sentence structures, but the essay contains several grammatical errors. These include issues with verb forms, punctuation, and sentence construction, which can occasionally make the argument difficult to follow.

Overall:
The essay successfully conveys your opinion with supportive reasons, but improvements in coherence, lexical precision, and grammatical accuracy would enhance the overall effectiveness of the response. Consider refining the transitions between ideas and revisiting some of the more complex sentences for clarity.


Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
8.0 sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question
8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas
8.0
Coherence and Cohesion
6.0 arranges information and ideas coherently
6.0 there is a clear overall progression
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
9.0 uses a wide range of vocabulary
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
9.0 uses a wide range of structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. Task Response (TR):
The response directly addresses the prompt with a clear opinion, emphasizing the importance of good news in the media. You provide several reasons to support your viewpoint, which demonstrates an understanding of the task.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
The essay is structured with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. The use of linking words is evident, but the flow could be improved with more varied and natural transitions. Some ideas appear abruptly, affecting the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource (LR):
The vocabulary is diverse and mostly appropriate, with terms like "editorial policies," "trading profits," and "optimistic titles." However, some phrases and words are used incorrectly or awkwardly, affecting the overall clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):
There is a good range of complex sentence structures, but the essay contains several grammatical errors. These include issues with verb forms, punctuation, and sentence construction, which can occasionally make the argument difficult to follow.

Overall:
The essay successfully conveys your opinion with supportive reasons, but improvements in coherence, lexical precision, and grammatical accuracy would enhance the overall effectiveness of the response. Consider refining the transitions between ideas and revisiting some of the more complex sentences for clarity.

Video Feedback

IELTS Juice YouTube Channel

IELTS Juice

IELTS Juice is brought to you by Juice Academy, registered in ‌British Columbia, Canada. On this channel, experienced English teachers and IELTS experts provide lessons, tips, and guidance to help you improve your English and achieve the best results in the IELTS exam.

The IELTS Assessor

Kasra Sharifan

Kasra Sharifan

Co-founder and CFO

British Council certified English teacher, IDP-trained IELTS instructor, content writer, editor-in-chief, co-founder, and Chief Financial Officer (CFO) at IELTS Juice Online Academy.

The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

In today's media landscape, the argument advocating for a greater emphasis on positive news stories raises pertinent questions about the role of media in shaping public perceptions. While I recognize the value of positive news in fostering a more optimistic society, I contend that a balanced representation of both good and bad news remains crucial.
Advocates supporting an increased focus on positive news argue that it can uplift and inspire communities. Stories showcasing human achievements, acts of kindness, or societal progress contribute to a more hopeful and harmonious societal outlook. Exposure to positive narratives can mitigate the psychological toll of constant exposure to distressing news, potentially improving mental well-being.
However, an overemphasis on positive news might inadvertently overshadow critical issues or essential reporting on societal challenges. A balanced portrayal that includes negative news, such as conflicts, crises, or injustices, is imperative. These stories often serve as a catalyst for societal discussions, raising awareness, and prompting action towards necessary changes. Ignoring such news might lead to a lack of critical awareness or complacency within society.
In my perspective, while integrating positive news can contribute to a more hopeful and compassionate society, an exclusive focus on such stories may obscure the reality of critical issues. Therefore, a balanced approach is essential. Media should present a diverse array of stories, encompassing both positive narratives that inspire and negative news that sparks discussions and drives societal change.
In conclusion, while I acknowledge the value of positive news in nurturing optimism, a balanced portrayal of both good and bad news is vital for an informed and engaged society.
263 words

Read similar samples

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


$59
IELTS Listening Course

IELTS Listening

Best approaches to each part of the IELTS Listening test

$79

IELTS Reading

All the strategies you need for success in IELTS reading

$99
IELTS writing

IELTS Writing

How to write letters, reports & essays based on IELTS criteria

$49
IELTS Speaking

IELTS Speaking

Top tips and speaking practice materials for the three parts

$19

IELTS Essential Words

Absolutely essential words for the IELTS test

Free

What’s IELTS

An introductory course providing an overview of the IELTS test and format.

Free

One Word or Two

Focusing on words that may appear to be composed of two separate parts but are, in fact, written as a single word.