IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3022 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result.
Why do many working people not get enough exercise?
What can be done about this problem?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

The hectic lifestyle of an employee does not leave her with much time to do exercises neither in week day nor weekend that in return caused them facing many health problems. Majority of employees declared that employers and companies are responsible of such cause, and there are several approaches to tackle with this problem.

One main reason that walkers do not find time is the abundance of workloads that they receive daily. Adam Johnson, who works at Apple Inc as an operation manager, said that most of the time accumulated workload on his desk do not allow him to have his lunch. Many other workers, like Adam, also shed the lights on the high expectations of their employees which puts them on their pressure. But it is not always the company’s fault. Many of the workers are not aware of the importance of regular exercises and they consider it as a trivial matter.

To overcome this problem, numbers of measure should be taken into account. Firstly, companies could allocate a space and time to workers to exercise at work. For instance, Google provides is employees the personal trainers who are available at the same location of company. Secondl, if employees do not want to exercise during their working hours, it would be a logical solution to register them at a fitness-club in vicinity of the company. Therefore, they might be convinced to alot time to exercise.

In conclusion, not only the employers but also employees or responsible for neglecting the significance of exercise. Thus, governments must regulate laws for companies and enforce them to dedicate time and money to employees.

270 words

Planning Stage

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

June 7, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
7.0 presents a clear position throughout the response
7.0 presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do
6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay.
Task Response (TR): Addresses the task with relevant ideas and examples.
Explains why people do not get enough exercise and suggests solutions.
Some points are underdeveloped, and there is a need for more elaboration and clearer examples.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Organizes information and ideas logically with clear progression.
Uses cohesive devices, but there are some inaccuracies and repetitions.
Paragraphing is mostly appropriate, but transitions between ideas could be smoother.

Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a range of vocabulary with some flexibility.
There are some errors in word choice and word forms (e.g., "neither in week day nor weekend," "shed the lights on").
Attempts to use less common vocabulary but with inaccuracies.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but there are frequent errors.
Grammatical errors sometimes obscure meaning (e.g., "there are several approaches to tackle with this problem," "numbers of measure should be taken into account").
Issues with verb forms, articles, and prepositions (e.g., "employers and companies are responsible of such cause," "puts them on their pressure").

Overall, The essay addresses the prompt and provides relevant points, but it needs more development and clearer examples. Improve coherence by ensuring smoother transitions and reducing repetition. Focus on expanding your vocabulary accurately and correcting grammatical errors to enhance clarity and coherence.

Video Feedback

IELTS Juice YouTube Channel

IELTS Juice

IELTS Juice is brought to you by Juice Academy, registered in ‌British Columbia, Canada. On this channel, experienced English teachers and IELTS experts provide lessons, tips, and guidance to help you improve your English and achieve the best results in the IELTS exam.

The IELTS Assessor

Kasra Sharifan

Kasra Sharifan

Co-founder and CFO

British Council certified English teacher, IDP-trained IELTS instructor, content writer, editor-in-chief, co-founder, and Chief Financial Officer (CFO) at IELTS Juice Online Academy.

The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The sedentary lifestyle of many working individuals, characterized by little to no physical activity during both working hours and leisure time, has become a significant contributor to health problems. Several factors contribute to this lack of exercise among the working population.
Firstly, the demands of modern work environments often prioritize sedentary tasks, such as desk work and computer-related activities, over physical movement. Long hours spent sitting at desks or in meetings leave little time or energy for exercise during the workday. Additionally, factors such as commuting long distances, family responsibilities, and work-related stress can further deter individuals from engaging in physical activity during their free time.
To address this issue, several measures can be implemented. Employers can promote workplace wellness programs that encourage physical activity during breaks or provide incentives for employees to engage in exercise. This could include offering onsite gym facilities, organizing group fitness classes, or implementing flexible work schedules that allow for breaks to engage in physical activity. Moreover, raising awareness about the importance of regular exercise and its positive impact on health through educational initiatives and workshops can motivate individuals to prioritize physical activity in their daily routines.
Furthermore, communities can play a role in creating environments that support active lifestyles by providing accessible recreational facilities, such as parks, walking trails, and bike paths. Government policies aimed at promoting physical activity, such as investing in infrastructure for active transportation and subsidizing gym memberships, can also help address the issue.
In conclusion, the lack of exercise among working individuals is a multifaceted problem influenced by various factors. By implementing workplace wellness programs, raising awareness about the importance of exercise, and creating supportive environments for physical activity, it is possible to mitigate the health risks associated with sedentary lifestyles among the working population.
295 words

Read similar samples

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


$59
IELTS Listening Course

IELTS Listening

Best approaches to each part of the IELTS Listening test

$79

IELTS Reading

All the strategies you need for success in IELTS reading

$99
IELTS writing

IELTS Writing

How to write letters, reports & essays based on IELTS criteria

$49
IELTS Speaking

IELTS Speaking

Top tips and speaking practice materials for the three parts

$19

IELTS Essential Words

Absolutely essential words for the IELTS test

Free

What’s IELTS

An introductory course providing an overview of the IELTS test and format.

Free

One Word or Two

Focusing on words that may appear to be composed of two separate parts but are, in fact, written as a single word.