IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3004 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks.
Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

It is indistributable that social netowrks are rapidly becoming favored among people with different ages. Nevertheles making private information accessible in social media may cause problem. I personally admit that activities in social media networks may have some risks which affect private life , however, I reckon that merits of social media override its drawbacks.

It has been discussed that social media users are always prone to different types of incidences. Cyber frauds are usually escalated through collecting personal information, in first step. Subsequently, the cyber criminals try to take advantage of thee inform victims which is usually resulted in finishing(transferring money from accounts illegally) or sexual harassment via getting access to private mages of the victim. And normally, the cyber victims are very young or very old users who are not educated enough to protect themselves while using social networks.

On the other hand, there is no doubt about the values which social media has added to modern life. These types of networks, have provided a range of critical services to almost all social levels. Rapid and inexpensive access to medical contents and consultants through different free programs which broadcast for elderly persons have made their life easier. In terms of the available services for youngesters, educational programs are no longer confined to a limited group of people, thanks to ubiquitous availability of social media. Moreover, there is no need to mention how many jobs are created, taking advantage of social networks.

In the end, I do believe that the advantages of social networks are far more than the disadvantages. and to marginalize cyber criminals, the vulnerable groups of users, including children and elderly individuals, need to be informed to protect their private asets. Indeed, they should be educated about the security options which social networks provide, so that the users can be sheltered while using social media.

309 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

April 28, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The essay addresses the prompt, but there are issues with spelling, grammar, and depth of analysis that prevent it from scoring higher. Improving grammatical accuracy, refining vocabulary usage, and deepening the discussion of how the advantages of social media specifically outweigh the disadvantages could improve the score.


Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion
7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
7.0 there is clear progression throughout
6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically
6.0
Lexical Resource
7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
6.0
6.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The essay addresses the prompt, but there are issues with spelling, grammar, and depth of analysis that prevent it from scoring higher. Improving grammatical accuracy, refining vocabulary usage, and deepening the discussion of how the advantages of social media specifically outweigh the disadvantages could improve the score.

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The surge in popularity of social media across diverse age groups raises pertinent questions about the balance between its advantages and disadvantages. While social media offers numerous benefits, such as enhanced connectivity and information dissemination, the risks associated with sharing personal information warrant careful consideration.
One significant advantage of social media is its ability to connect individuals globally, fostering relationships and facilitating communication irrespective of geographical distances. It serves as a powerful tool for disseminating information, promoting businesses, and engaging in social and political discourse. The accessibility and immediacy of social media platforms have revolutionized the way people interact, share ideas, and stay informed.
However, the advantages of social media are not without drawbacks, particularly concerning the security of personal information. Users often share intimate details of their lives, making them susceptible to privacy breaches, identity theft, and cyberbullying. The potential for misinformation and the spread of fake news further compounds these risks, influencing public opinion and fostering an environment of distrust.
In weighing the advantages against the disadvantages, it becomes evident that the impact of social media is multifaceted. While it enhances connectivity and information dissemination, the potential risks associated with privacy breaches and misinformation are significant concerns. Striking a balance involves promoting responsible use, raising awareness about privacy settings, and fostering digital literacy to mitigate the potential pitfalls.
In conclusion, the advantages of social media, such as global connectivity and information sharing, are considerable. However, the risks associated with personal information sharing underscore the need for cautious and responsible usage. Effectively navigating the digital landscape involves recognizing both the benefits and drawbacks of social media and adopting strategies to ensure a safe and constructive online experience.
278 words

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