IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 2960 – Band 6.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education.
What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

It is true that formal study plays a major role in any child’s upbringing, and help preparing them for their future career. Some schools have gone even further to provide pupils with extracurricular activities specifically aimed at familiarizing them with competencies they require in their professional life. In the following paragraphs the responsibilities schools have to get children ready for their future occupations will be discussed in greater details.

It is undeniable that the primary responsibility of any school is academic studies. Although some might say that academic courses will not directly be utilized in many occupations, they create the necessary grounds for any career. Take a blue-collar job, such as plumbing for instance. Any plumber should have enough mathematics background to be able to perform simple accounting. This seems impossible without garnering this knowledge through a mathematic course at school. As a result, the primary role of the schools should remain focused on academic education.

In addition, schools can assist the pupils to instill soft-skills, such as time management, decision making and problem solving. This can be done either indirectly through teachers’ coaching in parallel with the academic courses, or directly by having separate soft-skill trainings as an extracurricular activity, or in an after-school childcare scheme. For instance, if a child is familiar with decision making methodologies, they can even choose their future career more wisely which definitely lead them to better job prospects. Thus, the second most important responsibility of schools should be soft-skill trainings.

Overall, schools are accountable to teach students the necessary academic subjects and soft-skills that will be crucial in making them ready for their future careers.

272 words
Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

June 1, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.5 sample

Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response
7.0 addresses all parts of the task
8.0 presents a well-developed response to the question
8.0 with relevant, extended, and supported ideas
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion
9.0 sequences information and ideas logically
8.0 manages all aspects of cohesion well
9.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately
9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout
7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
7.0
Lexical Resource
9.0 uses a wide range of vocabulary
7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation
6.0 they do not impede communication
6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences
8.0 makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies
7.0 they do not impede communication
7.0
6.5

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this essay.
Task Response (TR): The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing the roles of schools in preparing students for their future careers. It covers both academic education and the development of soft skills, providing relevant examples such as the need for mathematical skills in blue-collar jobs like plumbing. The response stays on topic throughout and presents a clear opinion. However, it could be more detailed in its exploration of practical skills and how schools can integrate these into their curricula, which would provide a more comprehensive argument.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ideas are logically presented, and paragraphs are used effectively to separate different points. There are attempts to use cohesive devices, although some transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Improving the flow and making connections between ideas more explicit would enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Lexical Resource (LR): The vocabulary used in the essay is mostly appropriate but demonstrates some awkward word choices and inaccuracies. Terms like "help preparing," incorrect article usage ("in greater details"), and awkward phrasing affect the precision and naturalness of the language. While the essay does show a range of vocabulary, further refinement in word choice and the use of more advanced lexical items would improve this score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): The essay displays a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, and generally correct grammar. It demonstrates a good command of grammatical range with minimal errors that do not significantly impede understanding. The correct use of diverse sentence patterns enhances the clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Continued practice in maintaining grammatical accuracy and incorporating varied structures would solidify this strength.

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The 6.5 sample upgraded to 7.0+

The educational approach to preparing students for the workforce varies significantly across different countries in Europe. In some nations, children as young as 11 or 13 have the option to attend specialized schools focused on practical skills acquisition, while others continue their education in institutions offering a more traditional academic curriculum. To adequately prepare students for the world of work, schools should adopt a balanced approach that integrates both practical skills training and academic education.
Practical skills-focused schools offer valuable hands-on training in various trades and vocations, equipping students with the technical expertise needed in specific industries. This approach is particularly beneficial for students who thrive in a more applied learning environment and aspire to pursue careers in fields such as carpentry, plumbing, or automotive mechanics. By providing early exposure to practical skills, these schools enable students to make informed career choices and develop a strong foundation for future employment.
However, it is equally important for schools to offer a comprehensive academic education that cultivates critical thinking, problem-solving, and communication skills. Academic institutions play a crucial role in nurturing students' intellectual curiosity, fostering creativity, and preparing them for higher education or professions that require a strong academic background. Moreover, a well-rounded education that includes subjects such as mathematics, science, languages, and humanities enhances students' adaptability and versatility in an ever-evolving job market.
In conclusion, schools should strive to strike a balance between practical skills training and academic education to effectively prepare students for the world of work. By offering diverse learning experiences that cater to students' individual strengths and aspirations, schools can empower them to succeed in their chosen career paths and contribute meaningfully to society.
276 words

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