IELTS Writing Task 1 letter sample 3058 – Band 6.0

General Training IELTS Writing Task 1 - Letter

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public.

Write a letter to the company. In your letter

describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team

summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts

say how you think the company should spend the money

Write at least 150 words.

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Society and Community, Task 1 Letter, Work and Employment, Writing samples, Writing topics

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Dear sir or madam,

I am writing with regard to that certain budget, which our feedbacks have been kindly asked for allocation.

Considering sponsoring the local sport team, its merits are hard to be ignored. Firstly, such a financial budget could motivate the local teenagers to exercise more and improve their team skills. Furthermore, such a decision would relieve stress of their parents who are worried that these children tend to a jevenile delinquencies, which are on the rise in our area.

On the other hand, spending this money for two open-air concerts would be advantageous for residents ranging from the child to the elderly; therefore, many families will participate in these concerts if they hold here. Apart from this, such artistic events could plant a seed of interest on many children, who are not exposed to live music due to disadvantaged financial status.

Finally, I believe that if we compare the long-term impacts of these two options, the first one will be more rational and helpful. This is mainly because two years sponsorship of this sport team can absolutely affect their achievements.

I would like to appreciate your generosity for such a philanthropic project.

Yours faithfully,

201 words

Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

April 12, 2024

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample



Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this letter. Task Achievement (TA): The response addresses all parts of the task, providing a comparison between sponsoring a sports team and funding open-air concerts, and offering a clear opinion on which option the writer believes is better. However, the introduction could be more direct and specific about the purpose of the letter.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The response is generally well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the question.
Some transitions could be smoother, and the connection between ideas could be clearer in places.

Lexical Resource (LR): The response uses a range of vocabulary, including some less common words and phrases ("philanthropic project," "plant a seed of interest"). However, there are some awkward or unnatural expressions ("its merits are hard to be ignored," "tend to a juvenile delinquencies").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): The response demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that impact clarity ("our feedbacks have been kindly asked for allocation," "such a financial budget could motivate").

Overall Score: The response meets the requirements of the task but could be improved in terms of clarity, coherence, and accuracy in language use.
Suggestions for Improvement:

Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Achievement (GT)

6.0 addresses the requirements of the task

7.0 with the tone consistent and appropriate

7.0 clearly presents and highlights bullet points but could be more fully extended

6.0 presents a purpose that is generally clear

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0 logically organizes information and ideas

7.0 there is clear progression throughout

7.0 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

7.0 produces frequent error-free sentences

7.0 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

7.0 they do not impede communication

7.0

6.0

Feedback:

Thank you indeed for writing this letter. Task Achievement (TA): The response addresses all parts of the task, providing a comparison between sponsoring a sports team and funding open-air concerts, and offering a clear opinion on which option the writer believes is better. However, the introduction could be more direct and specific about the purpose of the letter.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The response is generally well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the question.
Some transitions could be smoother, and the connection between ideas could be clearer in places.

Lexical Resource (LR): The response uses a range of vocabulary, including some less common words and phrases ("philanthropic project," "plant a seed of interest"). However, there are some awkward or unnatural expressions ("its merits are hard to be ignored," "tend to a juvenile delinquencies").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): The response demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that impact clarity ("our feedbacks have been kindly asked for allocation," "such a financial budget could motivate").

Overall Score: The response meets the requirements of the task but could be improved in terms of clarity, coherence, and accuracy in language use.
Suggestions for Improvement:

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The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to offer my feedback on your decision to allocate funds for either sponsoring a local children's sports team or hosting open-air concerts. Sponsoring the sports team would provide numerous benefits, including promoting physical activity among children, fostering teamwork and discipline, and enhancing community engagement through support for grassroots sports.

Alternatively, funding open-air concerts could bring cultural enrichment and entertainment to the community, attracting diverse audiences and promoting social interaction.

Considering the potential long-term impact, I believe the company should prioritize sponsoring the local children's sports team. Investing in youth sports not only benefits the physical and mental well-being of children but also contributes to the development of future athletes and community leaders. Furthermore, the company's involvement in promoting healthy lifestyles aligns with corporate social responsibility objectives and strengthens its connection with the local community.

Thank you for considering my perspective on this matter.

Sincerely,

151 words

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