IELTS Writing Task 1 letter sample 2809 – Band 6.0

General Training IELTS Writing Task 1 - Letter

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken.
Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter
  • describe the problem with the equipment
  • explain what happened when you phoned the shop
  • say what you would like the manager to do
  • Write at least 150 words.

    You do NOT need to write any addresses.

    Begin your letter as follows:

    Disclaimer

    The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

    Candidate’s Response:

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I am writing to you with regard to the mixer that I have bought last week from your store, and I already have called the shop about it. The mixer that I have bought is a Sony mixer, and it was supposed to work with battery, however, when I tried to use it, it did not work. I was able to turn it on when it was plugged to the electricity, but without it, it did not.

    I have immediately called the store, and explained what happened. The person, who I have talked to, answered that it was not a big deal, and as long as I was able to use it with electricity, there was nothing that the store could do while I believe that your return policies indicate something else.

    I expect that you could solve my problem as the store manager. I would be really grateful to be fully refunded, and also receive a free mixer which works correctly for the troubles that the last one caused for me.

    Thank you in advance, and look forward to hearing from you soon.

    Best regards,

    193 words
    Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

    Presented By: Shahab Hosseinzadeh

    May 16, 2024

    This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

    Disclaimer

    The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

    IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

    Task Achievement (GT)
    7.0 covers the requirements of the task
    6.0 there may be inconsistencies in tone
    7.0 clearly presents and highlights bullet points but could be more fully extended
    9.0 presents a clear purpose
    6.0
    Coherence and Cohesion
    7.0 logically organizes information and ideas
    7.0 there is clear progression throughout
    6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
    9.0 uses referencing clearly and appropriately throughout
    6.0 uses paragraphing, but not always logically
    6.0
    Lexical Resource
    7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
    7.0 uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
    7.0 may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
    9.0 the communication is completely natural
    7.0
    Grammatical Range and Accuracy
    7.0 uses a variety of complex structures
    6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do
    6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation
    6.0 errors rarely reduce communication
    6.0
    6.0

    Feedback:

    Thank you indeed for writing this letter.
    Task Achievement (TA): The candidate has addressed all three bullet points required by the task:
    Described the problem with the equipment.
    Explained what happened when they phoned the shop.
    Stated what they would like the manager to do.
    However, the request to receive both a full refund and a replacement mixer may be seen as an unrealistic expectation, which can slightly affect the score as it might not completely align with what might be typically expected in such a situation.

    Coherence and Cohesion (CC):
    The letter is logically organized and progresses from the introduction of the issue to the requested resolution. However, there are issues with the flow and connectivity:
    Overuse of "and" which can make sentences run on and impact readability.
    Some awkward phrasing ("the person, who I have talked to,") disrupts the natural flow of text.
    Transitional phrases and a clearer structure could improve the score in this area.

    Lexical Resource (LR):
    The vocabulary is generally appropriate with terms correctly used ("fully refunded", "return policies"). However, the range is somewhat limited and there are some inaccuracies:
    Repetition of certain words ("bought", "mixer") without attempting synonyms or rephrasing.
    Inappropriate or awkward collocations ("plugged to the electricity", "free mixer").
    Variety in vocabulary and more precise language use would enhance the score.

    Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA)
    The grammar shows a mix of simple and complex structures. However, there are several errors:
    Incorrect tense usage ("I have bought" should be "I bought").
    Misuse of articles ("the mixer" could simply be "my mixer").
    Misplaced commas and awkward construction in relative clauses ("The person, who I have talked to," should be "The person I talked to").
    More accurate and varied grammatical constructions would be necessary for a higher score.

    Overall
    The candidate should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and grammar structures, improve the natural flow of information, and ensure realism in their requests to increase their score.

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    The 6.0 sample upgraded to 7.0+

    Dear Sir/Madam
    I am writing to you regarding a mixer I purchased last week from your store. Despite contacting the shop about the issue, it remains unresolved. The mixer in question is a Sony model, which is supposed to operate on battery power. However, when I attempted to use it with batteries, it did not function. It only works when plugged into an electrical outlet.
    Upon discovering this issue, I immediately called the store to explain the situation. The person I spoke with dismissed my concerns, stating that as long as the mixer works with electricity, there is nothing the store can do. This response contradicts your return policy, which I believe should cover such defects.
    As the store manager, I expect you to address this problem. I kindly request a full refund or a replacement mixer that functions correctly without requiring an electrical connection. The inconvenience caused by this defective product has been significant.
    Thank you in advance for your attention to this matter. I look forward to your prompt response.
    Best regards,
    174 words

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