IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3331 – Band 6.0

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Essay

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Family and Relationships, Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Writing samples

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Candidate’s Response:

Despite, many facilities and institutions parents prefer to monitor their children in order to perform dramatically in their future specially to get succeed in their particular profession. In this essay i will, paraphrase at length with reference to the main aspects and features with logical conclusion.

On the one hand, families work and struggle to provide the sufficient welfare for their children and only request that they have from them is to concentrate on their specific field. It is mainly for this reason that, to focus properly during their college activities or even, scientific journey which university is going to organize for them. But then again, it might bring severe consequences for families such as, affection of the behavior or character as well as personality. It has to be said that, there is argument among the teachers and experts that how families tend to monitor and take care of their children rather than leave them alone to live independently. It is also noticeable, looking after children
have the massive impact on their lives for instance, reduction of arguments and discussion in schools and increase the demands for the sports activities.

On the other hand, some people believe this is not a valuable decision for families due to the environment which children are involved in and it can bring several problems so, the same can hold true about to monitor their children under their own observation whether through the private classes or even sports club. However, families can save and invest that amount of money for their children’s future or spend into the individual activities. It has a vital importance to learn our children how to deal with the strangers as well as their colleagues in the work atmosphere.

It is alleged that, roughly, 35 per cents of children in United States of America left their school and start working into the restaurant and gas station in order to make their income somehow. In a nutshell, it is mainly for this reason that, parents did not observe and monitor their children since they were child. Environment and the rate of the crimes
would change the families opinion with reference to the children for instance, buys and sales of drugs through the streets has been increased recently and parents must be concern than ever. Moreover, friend would change their lives effectively.

In conclusion, making an appropriate schedule and plan for children for observation must be in preference always in order to be ensure with regard to their performance during the life. I totally agree with this statement to look after the children for better results rather than demerits into the future. However, activities and facilities during the colleges life would be beneficial for children

453 words

Presented By: Kasra Sharifan

April 19, 2023

This is an IELTS writing band 6.0 sample

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Disclaimer

The writing sample displayed here is the work of IELTS candidates and has been assessed by our team for guidance and practice purposes. These scores are not official IELTS scores.

Assessor’s Comment

Thank you indeed for writing this essay. The essay has many errors, especially in punctuation, but the errors rarely reduce communication. There are two main areas to focus on: first, all claims and main ideas must receive enough support; as a case in point, the last sentence of the second body paragraph talks about the effects of friends, yet the paragraph fails to add more sentences to support the claim or give details and examples. Second, the introduction, although standard, comes short in properly introducing the writer’s main ideas.

Kasra Sharifan

IELTS Writing Band Descriptors:

Task Response

7.0 addresses all parts of the task

6.0 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive

6.0 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0 arranges information and ideas coherently

6.0 there is a clear overall progression

6.0 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

6.0 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

7.0 presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

6.0

Lexical Resource

7.0 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

6.0 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

6.0 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation

6.0 they do not impede communication

6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0 uses a variety of complex structures

6.0 complex sentences have the same accuracy as the simple ones do

6.0 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation

6.0 errors rarely reduce communication

6.0

Feedback:

The IELTS Assessor

Kasra Sharifan

Co-founder and CFO

British Council certified English teacher, IDP-trained IELTS instructor, content writer, editor-in-chief, co-founder, and Chief Financial Officer (CFO) at IELTS Juice Online Academy.

An Above 7.0 Sample

In today's society, many families have both parents working to make ends meet. As a result, they rely on paid childcare services to look after their children while they are away. While some people believe that paid childcare is not good for families, I tend to disagree to a certain extent.

One of the advantages of paid childcare is that it allows parents to work and provide for their families financially. In some cases, it may be the only option for families who cannot rely on extended family members or friends for support. Without paid childcare, some families may struggle to make ends meet, leading to financial instability and stress.

Furthermore, paid childcare can provide children with opportunities to learn and socialize with other children. Many childcare facilities offer structured educational programs, which can help children develop cognitive and social skills. Additionally, interacting with other children can help children develop important social skills, such as cooperation and communication.

However, there are some concerns with paid childcare. One of the main concerns is that children may not receive enough attention and care from their caregivers. In some cases, paid caregivers may be overworked or undertrained, which can lead to inadequate care for children.

Another concern is that children may not develop strong emotional bonds with their parents if they spend most of their time with paid caregivers. This can result in a lack of trust and communication between family members, which can affect the long-term relationships in the family.

In conclusion, while paid childcare can have some disadvantages, I believe that it can be a practical solution for families who need both parents to work. However, it is important for parents to carefully consider their options and choose a high-quality childcare provider to ensure that their children receive the best possible care. Additionally, parents should make an effort to spend quality time with their children outside of work hours to develop strong emotional bonds and maintain healthy family relationships.

331 words

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IELTS Writing Task 2 essay sample 3286 – Band 5.5

Education, Society and Community, Task 2 essay, Writing samples, Writing topics

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.

Discuss both those views and give your own opinion.